I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
