What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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