careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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