You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
