Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
