I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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