It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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