But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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