ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
