So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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