Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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