You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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