We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
