I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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