haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
