I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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