I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Life is so much better after having sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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