There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
