you guys were way drunker than both of me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
