when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
