Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
zippers are such a cool invention
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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