I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So much rum. So many feels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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