Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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