so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
