I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
