I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
