did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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