Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
