When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
