I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
