I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well you can't waste a boner
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
