you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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