my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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