why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
