i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
