were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
