She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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