Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
