I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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