Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
