I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
