it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
