Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
