imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
