I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
