I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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