We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
