He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
