Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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