did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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