apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
